The Agent and Vargish Trim
A play in half an act


                   VARGISH TRIM
You've got to be very careful, Tom, to guard and protect your status from anyone.  Anyone could be an agent, and it is very difficult to tell one way or the other.

                        TOM
You say 'very difficult to tell,' as if it is possible to tell.

                   VARGISH TRIM
Tom, you don't want to know about that.  You don't need to ask those questions.  Why are you asking that?  You must simply be careful to guard and protect...

                        TOM
But it IS possible to tell?  How?

                   VARGISH TRIM
(shudders) Lift up the flaps, Tom.  Be sure to use both hands, and pull up the flaps.  They might scream, and they will certainly try to get away from you, and to kill, if they can, even if they aren't agents.  Because once they see you checking, they will become very frightened.  No one knows when they're an agent.  If anyone finds out that they are an agent... (another shudder)... you don't want to think about that.

                         TOM
(begins reaching around his backside, approaching the flap)

                    VARGISH TRIM
Tom... stop it, Tom... Tom, don't do that.  You don't need to do that, Tom (VARGISH is shaking and convulsing as he speaks, but is of course unable to physically touch TOM)
 
                          TOM
(is pulling a flap up) What is that?  WHAT DO I HAVE UNDER HERE, VARGISH?  (pauses, silent, slowly caressing the grate under the flap)

                   VARGISH TRIM
(after a pause, calmly) You shouldn't have done that Tom.  I asked you not to do that.  Please turn around.

                         TOM
(with a dumbfounded look on his face, turns around)  Why? (slowly)

                     VARGISH TRIM
(a protrusion issues forth from the lump of gibbering fleshy-stuff that is VARGISH TRIM.  It touches the grate under TOM's flap, and expands before pushing through it.)

                         TOM
(very slowly, as if drugged) okay, I think I... (falls forward, dead)